Why can't I give a voice to my pain?
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Many reasons, I'll give you 4:
1. -Overwhelm: We are afraid of what the truth in that pain might be. We are afraid the truth might represent a loss so big it will overwhelm us and we will feel like we are literally dying.
Belief: "It might be unbearable and I may not be able to face this truth."
Truth: Pain is lifted and released through a compassionate presence. When our pain is heard and seen in Universal Law the balance of justice begins to be set right. We are seen and our heart is lifted up into life again. Instead of drowning in the waters of our pain, we learn to breathe underwater and see the colors of an entirely new world (we no longer bypass, believing staying at the surface of our lives is the only way to live.) Then we learn we aren't either good or bad, but what is beyond it into the arms of peace and fullness. What's more- our hope returns to us. We begin to feel hopeful again and what it feels to abide in that hope.
2. -Abandonment: We feel it is meaningless to feel the pain since feeling changes nothing b/c we are alone anyway- always alone and abandoned and betrayed.
Belief: "I am all alone anyway, no-one cares so why does it matter? People are all just out for themselves and I will end up alone anyway."
Truth: There is a little girl inside of you that feels very alone, judged, and misunderstood. She feels she can't rely on people, the world isn't safe and that if people get to know the real her and the depth of her need they will all leave. She feels deeply used by others. It is time to meet her and give her support and real love. BY showing her daily kindness and real love and that includes listening to her, she will feel her strength and hope returning to her and her capacity to live in this world renewed.
3. -Anger at Self: WE are so angry at ourselves for our mistakes, we deny our heart to ourselves as a subconscious demonstration of self-punishment. WE put ourselves in jail per se. Our way of showing our mourning and grief is to deny ourselves the right to feel our heart and pain.
Belief: "I hate myself and distrust myself for my mistakes if everyone knew I'd never be spoken to again or even worse. I often experience a sense of dread."
Truth: "You can't believe you went to those dark places and you are scared of what it might mean about you. You are scared no one can love you now. You are still running from the deep light inside of you. Once you met her, and you come close to her, the deep light that is the true you, you will never doubt her again. You will see the dark places she went to were only due to extreme desperation and extreme pain, you will feel unwavering compassion for her, the compassion God feels for her, that never wavers no matter what she did or where she went. You will discover the light was always there next to her, inside of her, and her past actions can never and will never diminish it.
4. -Shame: The shame of admitting to ourselves we might like the pain we cause or like our isolation or know exactly why we do the things we do like use people or drain them.... because if we admit this it may just mean our parents were right all along, or the people that labeled us X, Y Z, were right all along.....that we are "unlovable." Since we have been running at TOP speed our WHOLE lives in a frantic performance train or depressive isolation track to deny this very truth, what "they" said we were, the last thing I want to do is come face to face with my darkness, my choices, my addiction, and my mistakes! If I might find that I am unlovable, if Gio starts poking around and she shines a light and I find out I was, in fact, unloveable, I'm going to die. I will resist inner work, and not give a voice to my pain like my life depends on it bc it does- let me keep my victim stories that keep me imprisoned- at least I have companions who are loyal in my prison cell.
Belief: What if they are right? What if I am the "black sheep." If you take away my victim story you take away my justice, my ability to get pity, sympathy, and "help" from others. I will NOT admit my faults or choices and I will fight you tooth and nail if you try to get me to do it. Let me not admit to my mistakes, or admit to you why I really do things, let me keep an illusion of control while in the dark corners of my life when no-one is watching I know who I really am. I know there is no real love or justice in this world.
Truth: All you gain when you see the truth inside of yourself is power- the power that comes from knowledge of self. Where your mind shouts loud to create a distraction from the truth of the heart, the mind will find peace in the stillness of the heart. You won't find the truth of what they said confirmed, what you will find is an ever-flowing spring of compassion and understanding for yourself. That will heal the broken off and dismissed pieces of your Soul. When your Soul is whole again she'll stop the running and the fatigue (depression) associated with living in that chaos. She'll find her peace, her strength, and the deep knowing that comes from seeing yourself which no one other voice can quiet again."
Due to the fears in these four- we avoid and avoid our pain until it feels like a distant voice to get to the heart of it but you've come to the Heart Whispers and you are safe here.
You are always loved,
Gio